So where shall I go ?

I have come to a point, where I don’t know, which path to take anymore. I have already invested so much into this relationship. Devoted myself to you. Always set you as my first priority. After those words slipped out of your mouth yesterday, I am not sure if I really know you anymore. The person you‘ve become seems like a stranger to me. Or maybe you were just like that all the time and I never noticed or just looked away, being distracted by all the things that I wanted to see in you. Should I stay or move away from you?
What am I supposed to do now? I don’t know what is happening to me again. 
I have been in this situation before, where I got so deeply hurt, that it shaped my personality in a bad way and promised to myself that I will never ever let someone do that to me again. And yet I am sitting here contemplating about staying or leaving this relationship, which obviously is a bad sign in general already. But why do I struggle so much to just let go? Do I really love you or is it just the idea of being in love? Am I doing the same mistake again? Why did it feel in the beginning and now I feel stuck again? I know you don’t want to hurt me intentionally, but it still hurts so much. And I think the reason for that is, that I have never expected that from you. You’re an angel in my eyes, you’re such a good person, always kind and loving to everyone. You could never harm anyone and yet you managed to hurt me. I didn’t see that coming. You surprised me in a negative way. I am not sure if I can deal with that. I have discovered a malicious site to you and it scares me. Do I really know you at all? 
What do you expect me to do or better: what do I expect from myself. 
So where shall I go now ? 

05/01/2019